Anywhere for a free lunch!

Today we managed to wangle a free lunch. We had to travel down into deepest darkest Dorset, or Somerset, (one of the two) but the cunning plan bore fruit.
Several months ago I sent an e-mail to Tom from Inky Alpacas in Dorset saying I might be interested in looking at some alpacas with a view to possibly, and that's all it was folks, possibly buying one. A multi-coloured wether, an old one, with three legs it was. I think Inky Alpacas specialise in black ones but I'm not sure.
Anyway I thought nothing of it really but blow me down I subsequently got invited to Inky Alpacas Christmas do!
I couldn't believe it, I mean I had no intention of buying anything, I was just bored and messing around with the computer one morning.
Well, I have never been one to turn down free nosh so we were off!
I made sure we got there nice and early so that we could get the Inky Alpaca tab up and running and get a few scoops down before Tom and the rest of the Inky's turned up.

Anyway as it turns out this Kiwi bloke Tom and his wife Trixie were most accommodating and made us feel very welcome. God knows what the hell they were talking about during lunch, I'm sure it was something about crimpy feet? Or fleecy rump?

We just tucked into whatever was on offer and kept our heads down.
I ended up sitting next to some ex pro footballer called Terry, I think that's what he said his name was, bit of a cockney, hard to understand. He wittered on and on about some very old alpacas he had. I assume they were old, he said they were all grey? Actually come to think of it I'm sure he ran an alpaca retirement home or something? Still he seemed nice enough.
I think he was Dad to Trixie and some woman called Kate from another alpaca herd called Amorous Alpacas? What that was all about is anybody's guess. They had both brought children along so I'm glad we brought the sprog, I did think about leaving him at home.
There was also another couple there who I could have sworn said they were Polish chicken stuffers, whatever that means. I have a sneaking suspicion that they may have crashed the wrong do. I couldn't understand a word that the bloke said, I'm sure he was talking Polish most of the afternoon. Foreign names too, Ifan and something like Gillo? They seemed quite friendly but if I had to put money on it I reckon they were up to the same trick as us, feign interest, eat and drink as much as you can, grab a quick kiss off any nice looking birds and then leg it. There was another foreign girl there too, Cara, she talked a lot about Australia but sounded a bit more French than that. I think she might have been some sort of Nanny or something.

Anyhow that's what we did and we were just about to make a quick family trip out through the gents toilet window (leading straight to the car park) when bugger me Tom got up to make a speech! Not only that but photographs were taken! We just couldn't escape!

I couldn't believe it but the bloke with the camera stood right next to me, couldn't get out of the shot. That's me at the front with the red hat on and then clockwise it was Terry(the ex pro), Cara (the Nanny), Amorous Kate, Kate and Trixie's children, Trixie, Tom, Ifan, Gillo, Sue and Angus who as you can see was well stuffed with turkey. That boy can stack it away when he knows he doesn't have to pay!

Here's Tom getting all emotional during his speech, thankfully it was brief as I was very embarrassed at being classed as a close friend. The weeping went on for a bit too long as well. Jeepers it was the first time I've met the bloke! Although I did have a blank couple of hours a week or two back at another Christmas do I managed to crash. Maybe I bumped into him then? Who knows.
Still it appeared that a good day was had by all!

The above article was written by a gibbering idiot.