Friday, 14 February 2014

Crash, bang, wallop!

Rain, wind, storms, hurricane winds, snow, sleet, hail, I am not going to go into what is going on down here as it is well documented and I know that we are hugely better off than a lot of people so I just thought I would indulge myself by giving you a Patou update.

As the blog title suggests we have had a crash, bang, wallop week. Actually we haven't had the wallop yet but titling this entry 'Crash, bang!', without the wallop didn't sound right.

The bang occurred as I sat in the kitchen having lunch a few days ago. There was a loud bang outside. When I say bang, it was a properly loud explosion. I immediately feared we were under attack. Milliseconds later I found myself in full combat mode, large carving knife in my teeth, loaded shotgun in my hands, bloodied bandana around my head and I appeared to be standing in a sort of kung-fu state of readiness. After waiting a few seconds with every sense heightened as far as it would go in an attempt to locate where the threat was coming from, I, for some unknown reason, threw myself into a forward roll, crashed into the cooker and hurt my head. That wasn't the 'crash' element of the title though!
Anyway, having gathered myself from the crumpled heap that I had become I waited alert for as long as I could, (cramp set in quite quickly) and established that the threat was outside. I relaxed my position, removed the carving knife from my now very dribbly mouth and hurled myself through the back door. A further forward roll and I was poised like Bruce Lee under the garden table. Again a full sensory scan of the immediate vicinity failed to reveal anything more menacing than the chickens who had stopped pecking and scratching around to stare at me.

Further investigation of the exterior of the house alerted me to the fact that my Discovery was listing hard to starboard as if she had been shot. A hissing noise was coming from her rear end as the left rear slowly lowered itself to the level of the 'wounded' side.

At this point I should inform you that my report of the event may have contained some slight exaggeration of the facts.

What had happened was that one of the rear suspension air-bags had, for some unknown reason, exploded. I have therefore been off the road for a few days and have now replaced the air-bags with a nice pair of unexplodable springs.

So now to the crash. Two days ago in the last hurricane force winds a huge conifer came down taking out a fence-line in one of the alpaca paddocks. Luckily no alpacas were under it and we have now closed off that paddock (it is like a bog anyway).

Angus surveys the damage, well he was until I asked him to smile at the camera!


As you can see, it's a big tree! 

So, another 24 hours of gale force winds and heavy rain to come today, I hope the 'wallop' doesn't arrive!
And another day goes by without any halter training. We will start soon, we have to!


Karen Oglesby - Meon Valley Alpacas said...

Funny tale Mark - you might need that tree to build an ark!

Rosemary said...

I needed a good laugh, Mark! Great!